When we leave the children in school we always tell them that "Have a great time" or "Have a great time and learn a lot", because it is what parents want; Enjoy, learn, have fun with classmates and have no problem.
That's why when we pick them up from school, after the hug, from "¡Choca!" or from the kiss we ask that about "How was school?", because hey, it has been many hours and you know that many things will have been done and so many others may have happened. Before that possibility, you expect them to turn on the tap and start releasing words, one after another, so the face that remains when you sum it all up with a "Good"It is a poem, and then comes the time when one of two, or you assume that it has gone well and does not want to talk more about the subject, or you start asking for more details, in interrogation plan.
Well, so that it is not a thing, that you remain without knowing anything and the communication shines by its absence, nor the other, that you end up feeling like a policeman looking guilty and the child as a suspect of something, a mom has devised A great strategy for them to talk about it.
We have read it on the Scary Mommy website, which refers to an article by Sara Ackerman in The Washington Post, where he tells us this feeling that I just expressed, that of wanting to know and see that there is no answer, and when asking to feel that you are trying to get inside information.
What if we don't ask open questions?
Surely you've heard it on more than one occasion: asking children open questions leads them to give short answers. They do not have the capacity for concreteness and synthesis that adults have, and asking a child what he has done in school or how it has gone is so overwhelming in terms of information, that he has two options, or tell you absolutely everything , which can be difficult because not all the moments remain "in the retina" to be rescued later, or to say that "all good", "I do not know ... I guess well" or similar, if nothing relevant has happened to cause immense joy or immense sadness.
Therefore, if we want answers, we have to be specific in the questions: "What have you played at the time of the playground?", "What is the most fun thing you have done today?", "How was the Breakfast time? "," Did the teacher tell you something today? "," Who did you play with today? " Already, it sounds impertinent, so much question ... it is not a plan to ask all the questions followed, one after the other, because in the end the child is going to take away the desire not only to talk to you, but even to go to school if he knows that Then comes the interrogation. Let's say I mention them as examples that can be used to give us concrete information.
But, according to Sara, this technique can also fail, precisely because of what I say, a lot of questions also end up bothering, and sometimes children drop an "Oh, leave me with school now!", That poor, they take a lot of hours there they put in and when they have free time it turns out that they have to remember everything they have done.
Do you want to hear how my day went?
So it occurred to this mother that a good way to communicate with her daughter was precisely that: communicate. And he chose to move from the interrogative method to a different one, that of speaking. So he told his daughter a good day sI wanted him to explain how the day had gone.
Before the "Yes", she, who is a teacher, dedicated herself to tell her what had been the most fun, what had been the most boring, the people she had met, what they had spoken, anecdotes with the students, the lessons he had taught, how many children did this or that, etc.
Since then, before the question, the girl always says yes, and although she had always thought that the last thing she wanted to talk about when she came home was from her job, because it would be boring for anyone and even herself, it makes her a complete summary because he loves when his daughter strives after making a summary of her days, of those times when mom and daughter are not together, and also loves to listen to it and find it interesting what mom says.
A great communication relationship in which the girl learns with her mother's experiences and discovers facets that she would never know otherwise, and in which the mother learns with her daughter's experiences, from what makes her happy and from what makes her happy. disgusted and that maybe, in another situation, otherwise, I wouldn't even explain it.
What do you think? I liked it a lot because it is pure communication, training the dialogue, knowing each other, and training active listening, making each other feel part of the life of the other.
