Last week we reviewed the most serious mistakes that parents should avoid in the education of our children. But there is more and this week we tell you four failures that parents should not make to build their trust in us and themselves.
Pass on our fears
Parents are the last and highest responsible for the welfare and safety of our children. That, together with the immense love we feel for them can trigger our insecurities and fears, to the point of exceeding ourselves in them, paralyze their development and not allow them to take their own risks.
Attention, with not transfer our fears I don't mean to children that we should let them make all the decisions. No way. Children do not have the necessary experience to assess all dangers and risks, so our role is to contain, encourage and guide.
However, sometimes, the fear that something bad may happen to them or a negative experience of our own life can turn us into bad managers of the situations, transferring them insecurities and, above all, imposing fears excessive or unfounded.
Caution and responsibility, of course, but never enclose children in glass cages where they cannot also make their own mistakes as long as they do not jeopardize their physical, moral or emotional integrity.
Impose our unfulfilled dreams
Parents should never forget that our children are independent people who have the right to choose their own lives, their passions and dreams. Our role is, again, as a guide and protectors, but we must never impose on them to become the person that we do not manage to be.
Our son doesn't have to be a doctor if we aren't or we wanted to be and we couldn't. Nor in singer, dancer or actor. Nor do you have to practice a certain discipline or sport because we like it very much. Do not live through them.
He deserves to be himself and discover what he is passionate about and make him vibrate, which makes him want to seek personal excellence and improvement. He deserves to be happy doing what he loves.
If you want to be a doctor, learn to sing or play great football, you are on time, do not force him to be what you have not been. Let him discover his own dreams and support him to make them happen.
Criticize your friends
Surely some of your child's friends do not seem the best possible choice. If there is a real risk, you must intervene. But of course you shouldn't never spend your life criticizing and making defects to all your friends, imposing that it only be related to the children we like the most (or the children of people we like).
As the years go by your child will gain greater autonomy in his choices in personal relationships and deserves to feel that you trust him and the good that his friends bring him. It is very sad that a son thinks that his parents consider him an idiot without judgment and that they tell him that his friends are never worth it.
Search the good that is in your friendships, let him feel your support, value what they give him, and he will really trust you if there is any situation in which he needs advice or help.
Make fun of your emotions
Children will approach us when they feel intense emotions: fear, anger, jealousy, joy or nervousness about any change or challenge in their lives. We should never minimize your emotions and much less make fun of them.
Sometimes you see parents who, for the wrong reasons, want their children to contain those they feel or are harder or more serious than a child is. It hurts them. They feel that they do not matter to us, that they are not valid enough, that if they trust us we will leave them aside. It is a mistake, especially serious if those jokes ridicule them in public, when they feel most vulnerable.
What children experience is as important to them as what adults experience is to us. If we want children to know how to identify their emotions, trust us and develop good self-esteem, we should never laugh at them and their worst moments.
I assure you that all these failures that parents sometimes comment They leave their mark and make it difficult for you to build a relationship with them for a lifetime: trust, respect and desire to share time together.
