A few days ago I saw how a friend punished her eight-year-old son severely for not wanting to go to the English academy. The boy refused and claimed that the classes were boring and that he did not like English. His mother gave him a "sermon" about the importance of studying English for the future, to work in a profession ... blah blah blah. I agree with the importance and ease of learning languages in early childhood. But in the case of my friend, it is more a goal for her than for the little one.
My friend has a characteristic of what is known as "hyperparenting", parents excessively committed to their children or popularly known as controllers.
They are parents obsessed with the achievements of their children, they exert asphyxiating pressure on them in relation to success in studies, to stand out in sports, in music etc. They decide the activities that their children should do and some until the career to study. They control everyday aspects, how much to eat, what to play, what to do after school.
For them children must be the smartest, they are enrolled in endless activities, play is "wasting time", ignoring that through it children develop their imagination and learn about the world. It is beneficial for children to have a complementary activity after school, especially if the parents work. But, many children are part of a sports team, have music and art lessons, additional tutoring etc. Although each of these activities has a value, its meaning is lost when there is an excess.
The control of these parents causes children to develop a sense of distrust in themselves by not giving them the opportunity to make decisions and solve their own problems. They feel as if their parents don't trust them. They are excessively dependent and obedient or rebellious and reject what parents are trying to teach them.
How to know if children are being demanded a lot? The first step to take is to reflect on the excessive involvement with the children; if the expectations with the children are few realistic and give priority to other activities that can be done without being the academic ones.
The relationship with the children should be relaxed not demanding. The meaning of the activities is enjoyment, rather than reaching a specific goal. And the most important is that children feel loved for what they are and not for their achievements. Love does not depend on the success they achieve in studies or complementary activities, the love of parents is unconditional.
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