Parenting is full of advice and suggestions related to getting used to or not getting used to.
The majority of fathers and mothers listen and read advice that they recommend not to do according to what they do not get used to and others that recommend doing some others so that they do get used to it.
The problem is who or what determines what things they have to get used to and what are those that should not be done routinely, to avoid getting used to.
To exemplify what I want to explain, I will focus on a “do not do”, which is customary: Don't take him in his arms, he gets used to it.
I am sure that any father or mother can say without lying that at some point he has received this advice from the mouth of a relative, friend, acquaintance, pediatrician, nurse, psychologist, cashier, older lady who comes to see the baby, lady of the Cleaning the stairs or others.
There are fathers and mothers who are bothered by these situations, and there are others who already give us a little equal. According to third parties, we thank the council or argue our position in this regard.
Well, the reaction of parents is not the issue I want to discuss today, although I do want to say that I personally have come to the conclusion that people do it (I think), with the best intention in the world. Then, as they say, Everyone who does what he wants.
Don't take him in his arms, he gets used
I return to the topic ... For some reason I don't know (or that I know and would like to ignore), at some point in history we began to tell parents that children had to live apart from us, almost oblivious to human warmth and contact that arms suppose
Many parents have heard this recommendation (they told me “this child is very much in my arms, isn't it?”) And we have rejected it, normally, because We think that children are mammalian animals that need the closeness of their parents to develop properly.
In other words, if you take a child in your arms a lot, you get used, of course, but isn't that what a baby has to do, get used to feeling loved with his parents?
By my profession I see parents with newborn babies every day and many often ask me if they get used to the arms, to know if they can catch them or not. I do not usually say “yes” or “no”, because there will be children who get used to it and there will be others (few), who do not. My answer is usually: “the question is not whether they get used to the arms or not, but if picking them up is good or bad. Before this question my answer is yes, it is good and yes, you have to take them if they cry because babies need contact, affection and affection ”.
The touch of babies is distributed throughout the body and touching them is a perfect way to provide them with stimulation. It is known that babies who are caressed and who receive massages (that is why infant massage is so well known and recommended) gain more weight and suffer fewer diseases. It is evident, then, that taking them in the arms is a totally recommended practice.
But if you don't use them, stop asking to take them
It is true, many children are left in their cribs crying for a little while, or in the hammock, or in the stroller, so that they do not get used to the arms or so that they do not get used to receiving an immediate response to their demands.
On many occasions, the result of these practices is precisely what is sought, that the child cries less and requests less the presence of his parents. The goal is achieved, but not because the baby has learned to meet his own needs, but because he has learned not to ask for what he needs.
In other words, babies learn to resign themselves and stop crying and calling because "total, they won't listen to me."
I think it's a bit embarrassing (because I feel sorry) that a three or four month old baby decides to stop calling his parents for love or contact because he doesn't get the answer he wants. He will have time in life when he is a child and an adult to realize that not everyone is going to give him the love he thinks he deserves.
Conclusions
It is not always bad that they get used to something and, in this case, it cannot be bad to get used to having your parents carry you, because there is nothing that offers more protection, more affection, more heat and more self-esteem than your Parents count on you having you close to them, their heart and their kisses (being there near them hundreds fall every day).
Humans come to the world to be happy, free and to share our happiness and good (and bad) moments with others.
There are people who prefer to live alone, without any company, who could do very well to learn as children to live without the need for affection or physical contact.
The problem is that it is difficult to know what child a grown-up ranger will be as an adult and it may be easier to think that such people are not born, but are made (who want to live alone because they have not felt loved, they have not learned to love or do not want to love for fear of failure).
Anyway, I cannot understand that someone suggests that for a child to grow up happy and autonomous, he must feel detachment and separation, often forced (they let us know with their cries).
Well, I lie, I do understand, but this is another issue related to power and obedience relationships that aim to create insecure children with low self-esteem, who accept without questioning people who “know more,” who accept hierarchies and therefore accept society as it is right now.
In short, if you want to have a happy child, take it in your arms whenever you ask for it and even when you don't ask for it. Do the kangaroo method if you want, even if you were not born prematurely, because there is nothing that relaxes you more than to hear mom's heart, just as they heard it in the womb, shriveled in her chest, touching mom's skin with all her body.
Give many kisses, many caresses and carry it in your arms, in a backpack or in a foulard down the street and get him used to having you nearby. When you are 9 months old and start crawling, or when you turn one year old and start walking and go home to explore unexplored territories, it will be you who miss those times when he was a little baby who wanted a hug at all hours.
Photos | Flickr - geishaboy500, khrawlings, edenpictures, iandeth
In Babies and more | Being in arms is Happiness, Babies in arms, happy babies, The myth of "bad habit"
